Madison and Me

I am an only child who had an only child who recently had his first and only biological child (although he has a precious 14 year old stepdaughter whose name is Morgan). I've been told that only children seem to have many advantages (i.e. don't have to share toys or ice cream with a brother or sister) but disadvantages also come with the package. For example, I could never blame anyone else for tearing up something or spilling something on the floor.

This past weekend I recognized another disadvantage that has greatly affected me. Only children don't generally have many babysitting opportunities and I didn't do much babysitting for neighbors or relatives growing up. I'm learning late in life that those babysitting experiences I missed then could be very helpful to me now.

Last weekend I volunteered to keep my 5 1/2 month old granddaughter, Madison Campbell Butler, for the whole weekend. I have kept her overnight before but had other folks here to help me and had friends in Montgomery on standby. However; this time I went to her house while her parents were out of town and learned quickly how little I actually knew about keeping an infant. Here is where I should also mention that I took my dog (Miss Annie) and had Madison's dog there as well. I'm sure you seasoned grandmothers out there are asking, "what in the world was she thinking?" Obviously, I wasn't. So it was me, two dogs (no fenced yard or dogie door), and precious Madison. Little did I know what an adventure I was about to have.

I received all my instructions concerning feeding times (how much), nap times (how often), baths (how to use all the equipment that now comes with an infant bathtub), and several life line telephone numbers. I used the first life line number at 8:15 Friday nite when I called Madison's other grandmother for help. She could hear Madison screaming in the background as I said, "Jeanette, I don't know what else to do." We ruled out everything that could be wrong and decided that she was just having a "little Madison I'll get your attention fit." And get my attention she did. I finally got her fed and to sleep about 9:30. I then grabbed one of the two novels I had packed and quickly realized that I must have been dilusional to even think that I would have time to flip a page on either novel or the People magazine I had also tucked in my overnight bag.

Just as astounding is that I never once gave any thought to the fact that the nursery is located up stairs. That reality hit me square in the face during the first afternoon. Up and down the stairs for each diaper change and for anything else I needed. For some reason I could not keep up with bibs, burp cloths or telephones so seeking them out became a treasure hunt of sorts. I did settle one issue by putting my cell phone in one pocket and the house portable phone in the other pocket. I wanted to make certain that I had easy access to those life line numbers when needed. I finally fell into bed Friday night worn out and it was only day one.

The next morning started off with our real effort to begin bonding. Madison woke up in the greatest of moods so we played and made funny noises and I sang (I went from Jesus Loves Me to White Christmas within 20 seconds). We read books and bounced in the swing between me taking the two dogs out on leashes. I longed for the two hour morning nap time that never arrived. She was down 20 minutes and then up like a rocket. So we played more, cried some, ate some, changed diapers and made many trips up the stairs to the nursery over and over again. Afternoon came and I thought surely we would have a long nap. I say we because I planned on busting the bed wide open while she slept. WRONG! Miss Madison seemed to want to cherish every waking moment with "Honey." So, my songs moved to Happy Trails, Mary Had a Little Lamb and Go Tell it on the Mountain. She didn't seem too impressed with my singing so I know she has a high level of intelligence.

By Sat. evening I was worn to a frazzle. Parents, and other grandparents continued to call to check on me and I told them that I felt that Madison was trying her best to send me back to Montgomery but that it would not work. So, we hung in there and made it through Sat. night. Then the clouds opened up and when she woke up Sunday she was a different child. She smiled at me, laughed out loud, scanned the room and was delighted with everything she saw and heard. She was an angel. No whining, crying, or screaming, and she ate right on schedule. She also took naps as they had said she would. I swear a rainbow should have appeared outside the window that morning.

It was Sunday when I finally realized that Madison Campbell and I had bonded. I looked into those gorgeous big blue eyes and my heart melted. Just holding her close, rocking her and watching her sleep made all the other (except going up and down those dreaded stairs) worth while.

I have now realized the joys of being a grandmother in ways I have not experienced before. How blessed I felt as I left there to come home knowing that she is healthy, happy and loved by so many. And, I cannot wait until the next time I get to keep her at my house (no stairs here). I think the next visit will be much easier for us both since I have taken notes and feel a bit more secure in my grandmother abilities. Everyone told me it was like riding a bicycle....that it would come back to me. Well, I haven't ridden a bicycle in years so it did not come back easy for me, but it eventually did come back.

Sunday afternoon Chris and Cynthia came home to find Madison safe, sound and sleeping peacefully. I gathered Miss Annie and my things and drove back to Montgomery and collapsed on the sofa. While I don't know a lot of things, I do know that Madison became a permanent fixture in my heart during those 48 hours and things for me will never be the same. She carries my maiden name and looks so much like Chris and me when we were her age...which is kind of scary. She obviously has some of the Campbell temper as well. However; in spite of it all, I would not take anything for the time we were able to spend together. She is one of those riches that is right in front of me and I intend to cherish and honor her in every way I can. Being a grandmother is definitely grand!

Anger--Rather than a lid, how about a timer?

Two days ago I was thinking about what my next post would be about. It was not about what I have written today. However, on this beautiful day I came across some situations and issues that were causing a lot of anger for several people. So, during my walk this afternoon I started thinking about anger in general and how people wrestle with the emotions that come with it. Thus, the topic for today.

Anger is one of those emotions that can creep up and grab you slowly or it can just jump on you before you even have time to think about it. The creeping up kind seems to throw me more than the jumping on me kind. For me, when it creeps and finally gets me I generally have to spend too much time figuring out who I'm angry with or what I'm angry about. Doing that takes a lot of energy that I don't have to spare...especially if I'm already mad at someone or about something. So, I've given a lot of thought over the last several years about anger. How to recognize it, how to allow it, how to deal with it, and especially how to let it go.

I stated in an earlier blog that generally I am slow to anger. That is true but there are a few things that make me very angry, very quickly. The kind of anger that jumps on me fast. For example, I was recently in a bathroom stall and heard two women in the stalls on either side of me talking. I thought, "are they talking to me?" I soon discovered they were both talking on cell phones. Can you believe it? I swear this is a true story. Now folks, anger jumped on me in a hurry. I walked out of that bathroom furious! I was thinking, "people really are losing their minds with this cell phone business." I stewed and fumed over it and then thought how ridiculous I was for spending my energy on something that, although very annonying, was not worth what I was feeling. So, within a couple of minutes I let it go.

It is the other anger that I stay on top of now. The creepy kind that can cover me like a dust storm and colors my thoughts and actions for a longer period of time. The kind that I might have every right to feel but is hurting no one but me. The kind that I feel when I stew over something someone has said or done to me or someone I care about. The kind that causes me to be short tempered to those who have done absolutely nothing to deserve my actions. The kind that festers over days and if allowed, it would just sit in my spirit and rot for weeks. It is that kind of anger that I am learning to recognize and handle in a more effective way.

For years, I tried the "putting a lid on it" approach to anger. That approach, combined with a great deal of stress led to a heart attack at age 58. Being the "bright" person that I am, I decided that I might better try a different way. After all, I felt that my life depended on doing just that. So, this is how I am now handling anger.

For the quick anger, I allow myself to recognize it, feel it, and then I let it go---as quickly as possible. The sort of "don't sweat the small stuff" theory. I figure in the whole scheme of things is the fact that two women are talking on cell phones in bathroom stalls going to impact my life significantly? I don't think so.

The creepy, crawly anger is a little harder but what I am doing seems to be working for me. The difference between how I handle this anger is that when I recognize it, I now put it on a "timer." I actually schedule it in on my calendar. Seriously! I figure if it is important enough to take up that much of my time then it is important enough to schedule. Depending on the cirucumstances I might give it 3 days of calendar time if it is a whole heap of anger.

Recently when I found out that Chris was being deployed for the 3rd time, I got really angry and I gave 2 calendar days to crying and another 5 days to being beyond angry. It warranted that much time and I gave it that much. Then, I let it go and moved to the next day leaving those emotions behind. Don't laugh but I not only set the calendar date, I also set a specific time---say 2 days until noon the 2nd day. Sounds silly I guess but for me, rather than a lid, I give it time. The key for me is determining what action needs to be taken, the time needed, setting it, and sticking to it. Like any clock, I have hit the the button when the time is up and allowed myself a few more minutes or hours if I really had not finished what needed to be done to resolve the issue but for the most part I really try to stick to the schedule. After all, how long does any person need to kick, scream, shout, throw things, tell someone what they think of them and their mama?

Just today I recommended this approach to two people who were very angry about two different things. One decided to be mad until noon Thursday. The other decided on Friday at 9:00 a.m. Both scheduled the dates and times on their calendars. I hope it works as well for them as it has for me.

Some things learned along the way..

We have all seen many lists of Life Lessons. Seems that I have had to learn or re-learn many of the same ones over and over again. Over the years I jotted down some important ones that I've either read, thought of myself, or have heard from some wise friend trying to guide me along the path. Today, I feel like revisiting some of those thoughts.

* I cannot make someone love me. All I can do is try to become someone who can be loved.

* No matter how much I care, some people just don't or aren't capable of caring back.

* My background and childhood might have influenced who I am, but only I am responsible for who I've become.

* I either control my attitude or it will certainly control me.

* Although I am slow to anger, there are times when I should be angry. But, I have no right or desire to be cruel with that anger.

* While birthdays add another year, life experiences and what is done with them is the real key to maturity.

* No question about it---the people I love have, and will hurt me. Sometimes the hurt will be intentional. Most times it will be unintentional. Whatever the reasons, I must forgive them because I hope they will find it in their heart to forgive me when I do the same.

* No matter how many times my heart has been broken, the world does not stop.

* Although my desire is to protect my family and friends, they will get hurt and I will hurt with them.

* Forgiveness from others often comes easier than the forgiveness we fight to give ourselves.

* Only children often get a bad rap.

* Families of choice are one of my greatest blessings.

* Sweet tea really is better than unsweetened.

* Chocolate in any shape or form makes me love life to the fullest.

* Just when you think you have a handle on someone, they change on you.

That's enough for today. I hope that your day is one filled with peace and much joy.

Shoes and Earrings

What woman doesn't love shoes? No matter how much weight I gain or lose, my shoes and my earrings always fit. What a comfort that is since my son reminded me last week that I am always on a diet. Seems that he is probably correct. Well, I figure that is just another woman thing....like loving shoes and earrings.

I was in Stein Mart yesterday picking up some items a friend needed and I found myself in the shoe section where I began to try on multiple pairs of beautiful shoes. I was so excited because all the display shoes are in my size so I went from one display to the next. I then made my way to the clothing section and looked at all the new clothes (I haven't been shopping in a while because it has been Winter and remember although I do get out in Winter, I don't get out a lot). Then I moved the buggy to the jewelry section and there they were...so many earrings in so many colors, shapes and sizes. I tried on several pairs (just like I did with the shoes) and then headed to checkout with nothing in my buggy but what my friend asked me to pick up for her.

So, what in the world happened to me in Stein Mart? Had someone else invaded my body? After all, I have only made 3 recent purchases for myself in the last few months (2 purses and something to wear to an upcoming wedding) so what was up with this not buying shoes, clothes, earrings and anything else that I wanted? This morning I looked in my closet and saw more shoes than I could possibly wear this season or any season. And, I do wear them. But I thought, how blessed I am to have all these shoes when many people have so few or none at all. I wondered to myself, just how many shoes and earrings are enough?

I decided this morning that I have more than enough shoes, earrings and clothes and I am grateful that if I want more I have the means to buy more. But, these are truly scary times economically for our world and everywhere I look I see that my life is filled with riches that I am just beginning to discover. I have friends and family members that I treasure, a rescue dog that loves me just because that is what dogs do, a home that is my safe place, good health, a way to make a living, a beautiful new granddaughter, and a faithful God who hears my prayers and sees my tears.

I am abundantly blessed and grateful and intend to remind myself that my life is rich and that wanting more and more diminishes the value of what I already have. Today, on this beautiful Spring morning, I will go walk and appreciate the riches in my life while being open and receptive to discovering others that I have been too busy to experience. And I will pray for our nation. For those who have lost their homes and jobs and for those who have an endless need to fill their lives with the "things" of this world while missing the riches right in front of them.

It's Finally Here!

I've always disliked Winter. The pattern throughout my life has been to hibernate when the days become shorter, the light becomes less light, and the cold sets in like deep fog over a harbor. My friends and family know this about me. They know that if they want to see me out at night, they better make plans during Spring, Summer or Fall. Because as sure as daylight savings time leaves and the first frost arrives, you can bet the bank (at least before so many closed) that CB would come in from work, remove the jewelry, shoes and clothes and make a mad dash for the comfort of the old housecoat or a pair of sweats.

My cousin and I discovered recently that people actually do still go out to dinner, to movies and other fun places during November, December, January and February. Since I have generally been on the sofa by 5:00 or 5:30 at the latest, covered in any number of afghans it came as quite a shock that other folks weren't living the same way. However; I have become a new woman in the last couple of years. I have gone many places during Winter and I have survived. But I must admit that I'm really happy that Spring is finally here.

Dead plants will be replaced with blooming ones, bike riders and runners will emerge on every street, dogs will be walked regularly, birds and butterflies will be plentiful, lawnmowers will be cranked, pools will be filled, boats will be serviced, and I will begin my ritual of heading to the lake or beach at every opportunity. For the next few months, my afghans will get a rest (as will the heavy robe) and I look forward to "blooming right here in Montgomery where I am planted."